Category Archives: Need for Love and Approval

EFT for Procrastination, Perfectionism, Fear of Failure, and the Need for Love and Approval

What's holding you back from fulfilling your dreams?

In this post, I’ll show you how to let go of negative thoughts and feelings with EFT.  I’ll give you some ideas for how to use this technique to let go of procrastination, perfectionism, fear failure, and the need for love and approval of others. 

In several posts I wrote recently, I talked about how procrastination is generally a mask for an underlying perfectionism.  Perfectionism is an underlying mask for a fear of failure.  And a fear of failure is masking a need for approval and love of others which we think that we need in order to feel happy and worthwhile as a human being. 

The Essential Problem

When it comes down to it, this belief that the approval and love of others will bring us happiness reveals that we are focused in our minds, that we are not connected to the unconditional source of well-being within us.  And that’s the essence of the issue.  

What to Do about It

In future blog posts, I will be covering a lot of different techniques that I have found to be helpful for letting go of issues like these, but today I’m going to be talking about using EFT to help you release these issues and return to your natural state of unconditional well-being.  

How to Let Go of These Negative Thought Patterns with EFT

EFT is a powerful and easy-to-use tool to let go of negative beliefs and feelings.  Here are the basics of how to do it; I’ll go into more details below.  All you need to do is simply tap on the nine key acupressure points of EFT as you think about any issue that is dominant in your mind at the moment.  Follow where your mind takes you.  You can use my How to Do EFT Video to guide you if you like.  

As you tap on any issue and clear it, it is likely that new layers and aspects will emerge that point you deeper into the negative beliefs, feelings, and painful past memories for you to release.  As you do, you will be releasing old habitual patterns of conditional thinking that you have probably lived with for a long time.  Once you let go of these conditions that you are placing on your well-being through EFT, you will naturally begin to feel that wonderful experience of well-being that’s always available to you beneath your negative thoughts. 

Some Ideas to Tap on to Let Go of These Issues

I’m going to make some videos to help walk you through using EFT to let go of procrastination, perfectionism, fear of failure, and the need for love and approval.  Look for those in future blog posts or on my YouTube channel.  Until then, here are some ideas for topics that you could tap on to let go of these issues: 

  • Not wanting to do this thing.
  • Procrastinating on the next step.
  • Feeling like I need to be perfect.
  • Fear of failure.
  • Fear of rejection and ridicule.
  • Worry about what other people think of me and what I do.
  • Feeling like I’m not lovable and not worthy unless I am perfect.
  • And any other conditional thoughts or painful memories that emerge from your mind as you go through the process.

I think that gives you a general idea in a place to start for your own tapping.  As you tap away these issues, you’ll be tapping into your unconditional well-being.  

So that’s enough for now.  As I said, in future posts, I will go into other effective ways I’ve found to help us to come back to the natural state of unconditional well-being within us.  Look for those new videos soon, too.  

Also, my self-help program, Your Inspiring Life, has 22 EFT recordings that help you easily let go of all of these limiting beliefs and more.  I designed it to help you let go of all the internal barriers that are holding you back from fulfilling your dreams.  It helps you feel inspired and motivated to take action to create a life that truly fulfills you.  You can learn more about my program here: Your Inspiring Life 

In my next post, I’ll talk more about how to use EFT as a doorway to access your unconditional well-being in each moment.

Perfectionism, Fear of Failure, and the Need for Love and Approval of Others: The Secret Issues that Hold Us Back

In this post, I’ll continue discussing the issues that hold us back from really going for our dreams, from really pursuing the things that we know will inspire and fulfill us.  In my previous post, I talked about procrastination and how it relates to perfectionism.  In this post, I’ll go deeper into that discussion, revealing the layers beneath our tendencies toward procrastination and perfectionism: the fear failure and the need for love and approval of others.

Two Kinds of Desire for Excellence

In my last post, I talked about how perfectionism is often a mask for us to avoid the anxiety of finishing something that we’re working on and putting it out into the world.  At this point, you may be saying to yourself, “Well, I just want my work to be the best it can be before I consider it done and ready to share with others.”  That makes sense, to a point.  However, there are two kinds of desire for excellence that I’d like you to consider.  One is motivated by a creative impulse, the aspect of us that gets an inspiration, an idea in our heads of something that we want to create and we want to realize that vision and bring it into the world.  This feels exciting, inspiring, and it motivates us to action.

The second kind of desire for excellence/perfection comes from a need for approval, love, and appreciation, from ourselves and from others.  We hold a standard up for ourselves and we tell ourselves that once we reach it, that’s when we’ll actually be worthy of love and acceptance; that’s when we’ll actually be worthwhile as a person.  This is the slippery slope, the tricky part that you should really be aware of.  Often, we may not even be consciously aware that we’re doing this to ourselves.  Here’s how to tell: you’ll know when you’re coming from this place when thinking about your goal creates any level of anxiety in you.

Level III: Fear of Failure

That anxiety is coming from a fear of failure.  Fear of failure encompasses so much more than those three words seem to convey.  We are afraid that if we do not fully realize this vision in our heads, the absolute perfection of what we want to create, and if it does not meet some kind of external standard of perfection, often defined by other people, then we will not be worthy of all the love and appreciation that we deeply desire. 

Level IV: The Need for Love and Approval of Others

There are so many layers to this.  Beneath the fear of failure is a deep desire for others to love and approve of us and what we do.  We want this because we have given away our power.  We think we need others to love and approve of us in order to feel good about ourselves.  We have placed these barriers, we’ve created these hurdles that we have to jump over (and sometimes they’re huge chasms that we have to leap across) in order to give ourselves permission to feel lovable and worthy as a human being.

Thinking about all of this, is it any wonder that we procrastinate on our dreams?  Holy cow, with so much at stake, it’s a wonder that anyone gets anything done. 

So now, we’ve talked about the four layers that hold us back from reaching for our dreams with consistent action: procrastination, perfectionism, fear of failure, and the need for love and approval. 

At this point, you’re probably wondering what you can do to fix this.  In my next post, I’ll tell you about some very effective ways to let go of these patterns and give yourself permission to really go for what you want and freely express yourself in the world in whatever way you are inspired.  Plus, my self-help program uses EFT to help you release yourself from these exact issues and a variety of others that may be holding you back from achieving your dreams.  You can learn more about my program here:  Your Inspiring Life